Is This Who We Are??

A Place Called Home

2011-12-13T01:15:00.000-08:00

Everyone has a place they call home. It's not necessarily a specific building or city or even a specific feeling. It's a place where we have embedded a small piece of ourselves that will be the very foundation of everything we will become. It's home.

For me, home is Greeleyville, SC in a little hole-in-the-wall neighborhood surrounded by family. It's where I ran barefoot in late summer afternoons as a child. It's where I discovered the meaning of unconditional love. It's where I learned to breathe--not for the sake of living, but to take in all that is around me. It's where I became me.

I'm not going to talk about the times that I imagined escaping this place, because, these days, I can't even imagine why I would ever dream of something so ludicrous. What I will say is that I am glad that I stayed. I'm embracing the familiarity and comfort of this dirt road--these boundaries. Within this little area, despite the irony, I have found true freedom. I have claimed home.

listening to: "Twenty Years" by: Augustana

Wrestling and Family

2011-09-12T18:17:00.000-07:00

For reasons that I have yet to figure out, I have not posted in a while. So, I decided to skip the serious bit tonight and talk about something that I enjoy instead.

As a child, my daddy (rest his soul), my brother and I would watch WCW Monday Night Nitro every week. It was a common interest of ours, and the one time each week that my brother and I wouldn't argue. Even more, my cousins were also into watching wrestling. Stupidly, they would all try to replicate moves and slams and anything else worth replicating. Someone would normally get hurt. Nonetheless, wrestling played a part in our childhoods.

That being said, I hadn't watched wrestling since WCW went off the air years ago--until last year. One of my nephews would spend Friday nights at my house every once in a while so that he could watch the WWE. I would let him take control of the television and busy myself with something else for a while. However, on one occasion, I could find nothing else to do, so I sat down with him (he couldn't believe I had ever been a fan in the first place), and I found myself enjoying the show. In the following weeks, if a Friday or Monday night came around, and I was free, I would sometimes turn it to whatever channel the show was on.

Now, a year later, I watch WWE Raw and Smackdown religiously (DVR works wonders). Maybe I see it as some connection to a time when, for just a couple of hours a week, I could sit in the living room floor next to Chandler and my daddy and enjoy familial commonalities. Regardless, I see it as more than just a bunch of people pushing each other around. It is a window into the past.

I challenge you to, this week, make another memory, start another tradition, enjoy something you once loved...it could just bring a smile to your face.

listening to: "The Silence Remains" by: 3 Doors Down

Secrets We Share..

2011-08-02T19:43:00.000-07:00

We all have moments where we want to get out the words that we keep locked inside. Those words may be meaningless to anyone else, they may be controversial, they may just anger anyone who doesn't truly understand. However, they may be more profound than any others ever spoken. But we are caged like animals in our thoughts. Every other word becomes a secret that you simply can't let fall from your lips.

That sounds pretty depressing, I know. However, many have discovered an anonymous medium of letting these secrets out. PostSecret is described as "an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard," on its website. Anyone who wants to send in a secret is encouraged to be creative. Some are featured on the website, though many others are featured in the PostSecret books.

Some of the secrets are sad, some vulgar, others are so touching that you only wish to reach out to the anonymous author. The latter is the reason that I became a follower. The most memorable of which I found in the Post Secret: Confessions on Life, Death, and God book (by Frank Warren). The post card read: It's not God who doesn't care, it's us.

First of all, I was struck by the honesty. Second, I could only think of how true I feel that statement is. Last, it occurred to me that this is someone's secret. I began to wonder who the author is and why they feel that they cannot say it out loud. What kind of a difference could this person make if they could yell it from a rooftop, say it on television, scream it in the face of every stranger? Secrets like this should be shared. Something that could effect change or make people really think about their lives needs to be said. These are the words we should share. Let us start a chain reaction.

A secret of my own:
Something I have thought to say to strangers on occasion when they complain about life treating them badly, but I never had the nerve is: God has never forgotten you. Instead of complaining, pray for peace, pray for help... just pray.

What I'm listening to: The Silence Remains by 3 Doors Down

trending...

2011-07-18T21:34:00.000-07:00

Every day I go to Yahoo! and look at the news and trending topics. Wanna guess what I see EVERY DAY? Celebrities and all things related to entertainment news. I get it... they are famous and fans clamor to get a peek at what their lives are like. However, it is a little disconcerting that mere entertainers trump the more important issues presented in today's society. News of the latest celebrity divorce (really it is no longer shocking) out-trends news of attacks on civilians in Darfur and genocide across the globe. Have we become so engrossed in fame that the problems worth our concern have become sub-standard.
While continuing this journey, I aim to become more aware of the real issues. Despite the bright lights of Hollywood, I will seek truth in matters beyond tabloid covers and cheesy entertainment news. Hopefully you will as well.
Goodnight..

Listening to: "Prayer of the Refugee" by: Rise Against

No Reason..

2011-07-04T22:33:00.000-07:00

Most people walk around every day complaining about every bump in the road. Sure...it sucks that you had a flat tire this morning or you spilled coffee on your favorite tie. However, consider the fact that many are living through much worse. You actually have a car despite the flat. You can afford clothing worthy of being a favorite. One inch outside of your comfort zone, one step out of your front door...there is someone suffering much worse than you.
I, too, have been guilty of ignoring the problems of others. I, too, have been selfish. We have all been guilty at some point of waving off our conscience in a fit of self-pity. And, hopefully, most of us have gotten past that childish phase.
As with every other post on my blog, I have a little homework for you. Rather than pretend that the problems of the world don't exist, take the time to look a little harder...pay attention to what is happening. Make a difference. Awareness is the first step. Simply knowing what is happening around you can make a big difference.
Goodnight

"Ain't No Reason"
By: Brett Dennen

There ain't no reason things are this way.
It's how they always been and they intend to stay.
I can't explain why we live this way.
We do it every day.

Preachers on the podium speaking of saints.
Prophets on the sidewalk begging for change.
Old ladies laughing from the fire escape,
Cursing my name.

I gotta a basket full of lemons and they all taste the same,
A window and a pigeon with a broken wing,
You can spend your whole life working for something,
Just to have it taken away.

People walk around pushing back their debts,
Wearing paychecks like necklaces and bracelets,
Talking about nothing, not thinking about death,
Every little heartbeat, every little breath.

People walk a tightrope on a razors edge.
Carrying their hurt and hatred and weapons.
It could be a bomb, or a bullet, or a pen,
Or a thought, or a word, or a sentence.

There ain't no reason things are this way.
Its how they've always been and they intend to stay.
I don't know why I say the things I say,
But I say them anyway.

But love will come set me free.
Love will come set me free, I do believe.
Love will come set me free, I know it will.
Love will come set me free, yes.

Prison walls still standing tall.
Some things never change at all.
Keep on building prisons, gonna fill them all.
Keep on building bombs, gonna drop them all.

Working your fingers bare to the bone.
Breaking' your back, make you sell your soul.
Like a lung, it's filled with coal,
Suffocating slow.

The wind blows wild and I may move.
But politicians lie and I am not fooled.
You don't need no reason or a three piece suit,
To argue the truth.

The air on my skin and the world under my toes
Slavery stitched into the fabric of my clothes
Chaos and commotion wherever I go,
Love I try to follow.

Love will come set me free
Love will come set me free, I do believe
Love will come set me free, I know it will
Love will come set me free, yes

There ain't no reason things are this way.
Its how they've always been and they intend to stay.
I can't explain why we live this way.
We do it every day.

Inspiration!

2011-06-24T20:48:00.000-07:00

I know that it has been a few days since my last post. I have been searching for a little inspiration. It is not as easy to come by as one may think. However, after exhausting the interesting, unread material that I have accumulated, I decided to read a bit of fanfiction this evening.

For those who are unfamiliar, fanfiction is ficticious material written about existing material (books, movies, television shows, comics, etc.). Of course a disclaimer is in place on every story stating that no plagiarism is intended. I read it all the time in High School. As college kicked my butt, I was unable to indulge. While I have yet to graduate, I found some time to read a little this evening.

While reading a story, I found myself in tears during a climactic scene of the the tale. Not because I was upset, but because the story was so well written, so intense, that I felt it. This unknown, non-famous author had such talent that I was completely drawn into the story.

Why am I saying all of this? You don't have to be famous or well known to make an impact. These authors do that not through attempting to make it onto a Best-Sellers list, but by sharing their talent in it's rawest form and without over-rated expectations.

Rather than live to be recognized or to become famous, we should do what we do best because it is what we love. Goodnight all!!

Listening to: "Rolling In the Deep" By: Adele

Another Playlist..

2011-06-17T20:54:00.001-07:00

For your listening pleasure, another playlist. Warning" A couple of the songs are more rock that what was on the last list. However, some are easier listening..

"Life Starts Now" Three Days Grace
"When You're Young" 3 Doors Down
"Monster" Paramore
"Sleep Apnea" Chevelle
"Boston" Augustana
"Hey Lady" Thriving Ivory
"Violet Hill" Coldplay
"In Loving Memory" Alter Bridge
"My Hero" Foo Fighters
"Diary of Jane" Breaking Benjamin
"Breathe" Ryan Star
"Be Somebody" 3 Doors Down (acoustic version is AWESOME!!)

For the Missing..

2011-06-16T22:01:00.000-07:00

As a child, I never noticed the world as it was or how it shifted--how we allow it to do so. The news never took precedence over cartoons and the only portion of the newspaper that was worthy of my attention featured gluttonous cats and crossword puzzles. How naive we were then. I say we because many of you can relate. However, as I have grown older, the heart wrenching news of the hurt and the lost have a bigger impact on my life. This past week, right here in South Carolina, a woman disappeared, only to be found later deceased. I didn't know her. I had never even heard her name. The impact was still great. It would be so easy to pretend that something like this could never happen to me or someone that I am close to. However, I am sure her family couldn't have imagined it either. Rather than pretend that these events are a distant occurrence, we should pray for them, their families, and the safety of our own.

There is more to this than the physically missing. We have a tendency to slowly lose touch with those that we care for. Somehow, over time, those relationships and friendships fade as we move to different stages of our lives. I feel that this is unacceptable. I am guilty as well. Who we are evolves from where we have been and those we have known. Don't lose touch with that just because you have changed. I understand that circumstances alter those relationships as well. However, you never know who's life you may touch by letting them witness your evolution.

On another note:

As I sat here minutes ago, ripping my music onto my computer, I came across a song that I think you should hear. It is called "Hymn For the Missing" by RED. I promise that it is not some head-pounding metal song. It is in fact a slower, melancholic tune by a christian band.

What I Have Learned..

2011-06-14T18:23:00.000-07:00

I have made many decisions that I have regretted later on..I'm sure we all have. At the time, I was not thinking clearly, I was persuaded by an ideal, and I, as per usual, ended up in an unstoppable situation that I was miserable in. What I have learned from this is that I will make mistakes. What I have learned is that I cannot control how things change and become. What I have learned is that, regret or not, I made that decision, and I must live with it. What I have learned is that life is not always going to be perfect. There will be days that every action only serves to further my disdain. However, there will be days of joy. Though it may be hard to see the rainbow through the rain, I can find solace in knowing that it is there. Too many times we decide to let one wrong decision, one bad day, one hard situation decide how we react for the rest of our days. Instead, let it be a guiding light.

Just to say...

2011-06-12T17:53:00.003-07:00

Many things of this world try to break us. It's like we have targets on our backs--kick me signs begging for a follow-through. And I'm not going to lie to you, it sucks...really badly. However, if life was all rainbows and lollipops we would be bored...because we like drama. We are wired that way. We have this need for trouble interlaced into our DNA and we can't seem to shake it. It's like a real-life Soap Opera--we know we should look away, but we just can't. There is no reasoning for it. It is just how we live and react.

Now, I know I have dedicated this blog to anything awesome, but I feel like I need to get this out. You can only account for yourself and almost everything is out of your control. But it's how you react to the troubles before you and handle yourself that will speak in volumes. At any given moment, there will be something in your way that is begging for you to trip and fall. And rather than explode and miscalculate the situation, take a step back and re-evaluate the situation. Don't jump to conclusions, but look into the possibilities with eyes wide open. The enemies that will form before you because of your negative reactions are far worse to acquire than the respect you would gain for your tactfulness.

This is something that I strive to accomplish as well. I'm not trying to call anyone out or hurt anyone's feelings. I just want to teach you what I am learning. I want to reach you so that we can all live a little easier and be a little more peaceful.

Bully!!

2011-06-12T17:53:00.001-07:00

Sadly, the news, as of late, has been packed with incidents of bullying. This isn't anything new. However, due to fatal outcomes, the word is spreading about the plight of the bullied. Being a bully is NOT awesome. However, taking a stand against it is pretty amazing.

So many students, relatives, friends, children, and adults are bullied everyday. The effects of this treatment last forever. Therefore, I say to you, the reader, that something must be done. We can not stand against the wall and simply watch the abuse unfold. Doing nothing is just as bad as committing the act itself.

While I don't expect for us to change the world in a day and riot for the cause, we can still do our part. By making others aware via Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, and other social outlets we take a stand. For instance I am participating in the Write Love On Your Arm Campaign (link to the Facebook album is at the bottom). I shared it on my Facebook and posted the link on Twitter. I am also sharing it with you right now.

This epidemic cannot be stopped in a day, and it will probably never be fully solved. However, we have to start somewhere to get anywhere.

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.218974668122131.62528.203558599663738

I'm listening to: "Letters From the Sky" by: Civil Twilight

The Power of Social Media

2011-06-06T23:34:00.000-07:00

If you're reading this, you are partaking in the craze of social media. We blog, tweet, facebook, and myspace everyday as a means of social interaction. Whether we want to keep up with family and friends or share our favorite songs, most of us put a great deal of time and effort into social media.While many are against social media for fear that it is replacing real interaction (which I agree with on some level), the benefits of social media are often overlooked.

I have a tendency to "like" certain causes and campaigns on Facebook that I agree with. While back in time, before internet, the only way to spread the news of an issue that needed resolution was to write a letter, publish an article, or actually call someone to spread the news. With the invention of the internet, word of issues spread quickly. E-mail and social networking took it to a whole other level. Not only can word of issues spread quickly, but we can make it personal. Each of us can show our support for campaigns with the world, but more importantly, our family and friends.

As you find yourself tweeting or "like"-ing a page on Facebook, think about using the power of social media to spread a message about something that is actually important. Disregard your latest post about what you are having for dinner, and post about something that could change a life.

Listening to: "Monster" by: Paramore

"You were once wild here. Don't let them tame you." -I. Duncan

2011-06-04T18:51:00.000-07:00

(Photo compliments of ~Princess-Nyree of DeviantArt. Photo Title: To Write)

As children, we learn to write. We learn to put words together on a page to make meaning. At first, it is exhilarating--having the power to write something that, previously, we were only capable of saying. Being a female, this turned into diary writing. At last, I was able to get my secrets out without telling someone else. I was able to keep my secrets without holding them in. It was power.

As we get older, it becomes almost a chore. Term papers, essays, and, in college, 25 pages of research that seemed pointless. Through all of this, I lost my passion for writing. Thus, I lost a big part of my being.

Recently, I decided to create this blog of my self-discovery. Inadvertently, I re-gained my passion for writing. That is the best gift I have ever received.

The point of this entry is not necessarily to talk about me and writing. It is more of a guiding light. I want to tell you, my dear readers, that as we go through life we lose our passion and, most of all, ourselves. However, now I know that we can get back to who we are at our core. Regardless of the stress that we face, we can find a moment to be our purest selves. For me, that just so happens to be writing.

I challenge you, as I have myself, to write. Even if you have nothing of importance to say, write. Write about your pain, anger, happiness, contentedness. Just write. Don't let life and responsibility control tame your passion.

As Isadora Duncan once said, "You were once wild here. Don't let them Tame you."

Listening to: "Fix You" by: Coldplay

"Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones. I will try to fix you."

Makes you really think..

2011-06-02T02:48:00.000-07:00

I was watching this video earlier and I really started to think hard about the impact we make. It would be so easy to stroll through life without a care and never reach anybody, but we were meant for more. What is the point of living here if no change is made...if we never make a difference. And it is important that we try because, as the song says, "that's how the lost get found." If we only truly touch one person, it will have been worth it all.

The message that Britt Nicole brings across is so powerful. So watch the video and I will post the lyrics below.

"The Lost Get Found"
Performed By: Britt Nicole

Hello my friend
I remember when you were
So alive with your wide eyes to the light
Then the light that you had when your heart was stolen
Now you say that it ain’t worth stayin’
You wanna run but your hesitatin’
I’m talkin’ to me

Don’t let the lights go down
Don’t let the fire burn out
Cause somewhere, somebody needs a reason to believe
Why don’t you rise up now?
Don’t be afraid to stand out
That’s how the lost get found
The lost get found

So when you get the chance (get the chance)
Are you gonna take it (take it)
There’s a really big world at your fingertips
And you know you have the chance to change it
There’s a girl on the streets, she’s cryin’
There’s a man who faith is dying
Love is calling you

Don’t let the lights go down
Don’t let the fire burn out
Cause somewhere, somebody needs a reason to believe
Why don’t you rise up now?
Don’t be afraid to stand out
That’s how the lost get found
The lost get found

Why do we go with the flow?
Why take the easier road?
Why are we playin’ it safe?
Love came to show us the way
Love is a chance we should take
I’m movin’ out of the way

Dada dada da da [x2]

Don’t let the lights go down
Don’t let the fire burn out
Cause somewhere, somebody needs a reason to believe
(stand up)
Don’t let the lights go down
Don’t let the fire burn out (stand up)
Cause somewhere, somebody needs a reason to believe
Why don’t you rise up now?
Don’t be afraid to stand out
That’s how the lost get found
The lost get found

So when you get the chance
Are you gonna take it
There’s a really big world at your fingertips
And you know you have the chance to change it

If we were in a movie...

2011-05-30T23:03:00.000-07:00

Just for giggles, I was thinking today about movies. I LOVE to watch them and can think of nothing better to talk about at 1:55 in the morning. Sometimes you hear people say that they gravitate towards characters and situations that they relate to. My problem is that I have no idea what characters of situations I may be able to relate to. And the problem with that logic entirely is that it is completely bogus. If we agree that we only like movies that we relate to then only brilliantly witty pregnant teenagers would watch "Juno" and no one even remotely normal would turn the television to a showing of "Twilight".

So...I would like to hear your feedback. What is your favorite movie and why do you really like it? Comment below!

End of the World??

2011-05-25T21:56:00.000-07:00

I'm sure you have heard that the world was supposed to end at 6:30pm on May 21st. Well...we are all still here. Consider the fact that I am a Christian and that I didn't even believe the prophecy. Many people quit their jobs, put everything they had into spreading the word about the impending apocalypse, and gave away their possessions.
I have 3 things to say about this:

1. While misguided, these people were/are very faithful. They were willing to give everything they had in an attempt to save the souls in this world. That is commendable. And I will not take anything away from their dedication. I only hope that I might have that same dedication for my faith.

2. Maybe their leader actually truly believes that the world was supposed to have ended. However, there are consequences to his misguiding. I worry that there maybe some who turn away from their faith because they feel misled or even that God left them behind. I don't think that this is what their leader intended. Regardless, it is a grim possibility.

3. This is what I believe. We are not supposed to know the day or time when God will call his children home. Matthew 24 tells us that not even Jesus knows when he will return. Saying that this is what I believe is not my way of stating that those individuals are not Christians or that they are wrong. It is simply my way of imparting a bit of knowledge.

I hope that everything will turn out okay for the believers of the May 21st apocalypse. I am not going to rip apart them or their leader because I AM a Christian and I hope for their well-being. End of the world, or not, We should all hope to be as loyal to our faith as they are. God bless and goodnight.

What I'm Listening To: "Meaning" by: Gavin DeGraw

Playlist!!

2011-05-23T14:24:00.000-07:00

So I decided to post a playlist of softer music that I feel everyone should hear. Some of the songs are well know, others are not. Check them out. They are in no particular order. I will post a playlist of Rock music in the near future!! Enjoy..

"9 Crimes" by: Damien Rice
"When You're Young" by: 3 Doors Down
"Meaning" by: Gavin DeGraw
"Landing In London"by: 3 Doors Down
"Sweet and Low" by: Augustana
"Letters From the Sky" by: Civil Twilight
"The Only Exception" by: Paramore
"Wires" by: Athlete
"This Is Letting Go" by: Rise Against
"Open Your Eyes and Look North" by: Dance Gavin Dance
"Slow Dancing In A Burning Room: by: John Mayer
"Almost Honest" by: Josh Kelley
"The Immortals" by: Kings of Leon
"Chloe Dancer/Crown of Thorns" by: Mother Love Bone
"Bring On the Wonder" by: Susan Enan
"While the Candle Still Burns" by: Thriving Ivory
"For the First Time" by: The Script

<3 smile..

I Am...

2011-05-23T01:52:00.000-07:00

We all have something that releases us--that enables our escape from reality. Not that reality always needs escaping, but at times a little peace and solace is a good thing. For some it is writing for others it may be drawing. The possibilities are endless. For me...it is music. I have often joked that "I would die without my iPod." I can't go a day without it. It is my release. More than that, I love to sing. I have often found myself singing at the top of my lungs with the windows down in my car. While I have received a few rather odd stares, I have found that I am not bothered because I sing for me-for my peace and no one else's.

I am a singer. That's what I am.

You may recognize that line. It is from a movie that is fittingly titled "That's What I Am." As I watched this movie just this evening, I was struck by the very thought above. I am a singer. That's what I am. I had never identified myself as such. It was purely a hobby or an attempt to pass the long drive to school, never a life ambition. I have always left the word singer for those who sing professionally, as though I was unworthy of the title. I sing in church and in my car. I even tried karaoke once. Yet I never considered myself a singer.

But I am.

So...I post this tonight to tell the world that I am a writer. I am a singer. I am...at peace.

Find what releases you. Identify it. And identify yourself. You have worth and you can be whatever you will.

goodnight.

What I'm Listening To: "Twenty Years" by: Augustana

Burn and Fade

2011-05-21T22:58:00.000-07:00

When I was younger, I remember sitting on my bed with my journal, writing and drawing for hours. I had such a passion for it. Like music, I was inexplicably drawn to it. Blasting "St. Anger" by Metallica and scribbling out my angst was not out of the ordinary on a bad day.

However, I I have grown older, writing has become something of a chore. Not that I don't love writing about something that interests me. But through college classes and exams, I find that the only time that I write, it is academic and prescribed by length, subject matter, source restrictions, and such. It no longer sparkles. The enticement is gone.

We all burn out. Our passion fades as we get further into real life. The responsibility of being adults and being forced to conform weighs us down and we, ultimately, fizzle.

I challenge you (and myself) to do what you love today. No matter how burnt out you seem to be. Write that poem that once poured from your soul. Draw that picture that once colored your sky. Sing the song that lifts you higher. But don't give up. We only have so much time on this earth, and letting reality rob us of our passion is unacceptable.

Listening To: "It's the Only One You've Got" by: 3 Doors Down
"You hide behind your walls of maybes and nevers. Forgetting that there's something more than just knowing better.."

art by me using picnik.com

can you hear me??

2011-05-16T23:39:00.000-07:00

I've already begun to wonder why I am doing this. To be completely honest, I feel I may be failing miserably at this journey. Every day I find myself conforming to society's rules. And as much as I would like to say that I am being heard, that I am making a difference, I don't know if I am.

When I decided to do this blog and try to change someone's mind about something important, I wrote a few simple words on a post-it note: I want to write a blog about something important. And I did believe that my journey to self identification was important. However, this doesn't feel much like a journey now. This feels a lot like standing still, just waiting for someone to hear me.

Maybe I am waiting to hear myself. For once just to stop and try to figure out what I want. Because what I have been saying I want is really what I feel like I should want--the american dream, a successful career in some cubicle in mid-America, a picket fence, a husband, 2.5 kids, and maybe a dog named Skip. Problem here is that I don't want much, if any, of that.

I have always been the first to claim independence. I'm not clingy, needy, or desperate. And I honestly do prefer to be alone A LOT. I revel in these qualities like a security blanket. As though they set me apart. But really, it just means that I am trying to be defiant.

I've gotten a little bit off track here. Basically, my defiance has gotten me nowhere but closer to everything I stand against. So today marks a new beginning. I am starting my journey at the beginning and hoping to make it a little further this time around.

So please, if you hear me and you feel anything for this, let me know. I hate to feel as though I am running a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction (thank you for that fabulous line Casting Crowns). Even worse, I hate to feel that I am doing this alone.

Goodnight.

my family doesn't like...

2011-05-08T12:34:00.000-07:00

SO today I am stepping outside of the norm. I am dating someone who a lot of my family dislike. Many don't approve. However, because this is a journey of self discovery for me, I feel that this is right. The whole point of all of this is that I do what no one expects.

In the past, had a family member stated how much they disliked someone, that would have been the end of the relationship. I don't want to do that now.

Love, or like as it is right now, isn't supposed to be easy. If something is to be truly worth it, it must be worked upon. It must be a trial of will and temptation. It must be about defying the odds and the unpleasant associates--in my case, family.

So I leave you with this: Don't give up on something that could potentially be great just because it displeases anyone other than you.

sn: my new personal anthem is: "When You're Young" by: 3 Doors Down

here again??!

2011-04-17T19:49:00.000-07:00

So I have decided to give my ex a chance. I'm nervous, confused, and slightly phobic. I'm so used to being independent that I'm worried I won't give him a fair chance. I am worried that I still don't quite know myself and my wants and needs (the real reason I broke up with him 8 years ago).
I am terrified that I will wake-up tomorrow morning and think "what have I done?". Right now, I am telling myself that I can do this. I just have to be honest and say what I feel. My inhibitions are out the window and it is scary and freeing. Only time will tell how this story ends. Until then, I will keep you updated.

what i'm listening to: For the First Time by: The Script

so the journey begins...

2011-04-08T21:08:00.000-07:00

Recently my daddy passed-away. After dealing with most of my grief, I came to the conclusion that I had no idea who I really was. I had spent my life to that point trying to please my family, friends, and acquaintances. Where was my satisfaction? Four and a half months later, I have now decided that I have to find myself. I need to know who I am and where I am going.

Life won't cease to move. The earth will keep turning. But I will start evolving and discovering the world outside my front door.

What I'm listening to now: Wires by: Athlete

Blog Break-Down

2011-04-08T20:36:00.000-07:00

Starting today, I will post regularly about things of noted importance--issues of societal and personal importance, music, and everyday boredom. I cannot honestly spell-out exactly what I will discuss, but I know that it will be interesting. And maybe we will have a few laughs along the way.
This blog is about self-identity. I am on a journey to find out who I really am, and I am inviting you to join me. So...see what I have to say and tell me what you need to get out.
Expect, every once and a while, to get a random post that just states a mood or what I'm listening to because life is random...and sometimes we just want to be heard.
Hear me.